


the slow reveal (of what another body needs)

by ephemera (incognitajones)



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst and Porn, Body Worship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 18:33:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13863531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incognitajones/pseuds/ephemera
Summary: He’d never been this naked in front of Jyn; he’d never had all of her laid out bare before him.





	the slow reveal (of what another body needs)

Cassian lived by the plan of always planning for the unexpected. But there were things you could never anticipate, and he’d never expected the unimaginable luxury of six standard hours alone with Jyn. 

The moon they were hidden on had to rotate away from the Imp garrison on the planet below so that they could launch without being observed. Until then, they were grounded and running silent.

It wasn’t all idle free time; they’d spent an hour checking the shuttle’s engines, checking their weapons, double-checking the comms encryption and the plotted hyperspace route and the proximity alarms. Cassian might have gone on checking things just out of habit, or tried to nap in the pilot’s chair, but Jyn grabbed his arm and towed him into the empty cargo bay where she'd discovered enough dusty blankets to make a nest on the floor.

They'd done things before— _what are you, twelve?_ Cassian chided himself—they’d had sex, but it had always been rushed, snatched moments on Echo Base where too much exposed skin was very ill-advised. He’d never been this naked in front of Jyn; he’d never had all of her laid out bare before him. Her pale skin was luminous in the orange glow of the emergency lighting. In the dimness, he couldn’t see the freckles he knew were spattered over her wherever the sun brought them out, but faint violet lines traced where her blood ran close to the surface. A few of her scars were still visible, too, each mark a testimonial to her endurance. 

Cassian dragged his palm slowly down the contours of her body, overwhelmed by sensation. Had he ever gotten so much pleasure from simply touching? He could have explored Jyn’s warm, supple strength forever. Most of her skin was roughened by sun and weather, but he found small delicate places: under each breast, inside the crook of her elbow.

The fine hair on her arms rippled, rising in tiny dots like code, and muscles shifted under the skin of her stomach as she took a shallow breath. “What are you doing?” She sounded curious, a little wary.

He took a moment to figure out what to say, trying to think of something that might amuse her or put her at ease. “Reconnaissance.”

And she did smile, a quick grin flashing like a meteor across her face. But it was still true; this was all unfamiliar terrain to Cassian. He didn’t know what Jyn wanted, what she needed. He couldn't remember the last time he’d touched another human being without a carefully planned agenda and an itemized list of what he was trying to get in return. And he’d never had more than two or three brief encounters with the same person. What did he know about how to satisfy someone, not just for an hour, but for as long as they wanted to stay? 

A little uncertainty must have shown in his face despite his best efforts, because Jyn’s smile softened into something more tender. She curled her hand around the back of his head, scratching lightly at his scalp until he shivered. “Well then, proceed, Captain.” 

Cassian looked back at the astonishing sight of her bare limbs sprawled over the coarse dark fabric. He slid his hand down her arm to her wrist and circled it, feeling the rough ring of old marks rubbed there by too-tight binders. Her pulse throbbed under his fingers, quickening, and her hand twitched. He pushed his thumb into the centre of her palm, working firm circles in counterpoint against her knuckles until her hand went limp in his. She sighed, her head rolling to the side as her neck relaxed. 

Cassian noted that reaction carefully, adding it to his growing file. He wanted to learn Jyn’s body until he knew it better than his own; he wanted to map her with his fingers and measure the span of her ribs with his mouth. 

He laid her hand back down beside her leg and skimmed his fingers over the hard knob of her knee. Her breath fluttered as he drew light circles over the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, and he smiled at the way it made her shiver, her shoulders moving against the scratchy blankets. When his finger brushed the core of her, already radiating heat, her mouth opened in a soundless gasp. 

Cassian couldn’t look away from Jyn’s face. He’d never been able to do this so slowly before, and it was intoxicating to watch her pleasure build on itself in tiny increments. First she squeezed her eyes shut, then her hands balled into fists, clenching in the blankets. Her muscles tightened, drawing up in taut lines, and her hips arched into his touch. Her breath quickened and rose in thin, shallow gasps until she tensed around his fingers and snapped with a tiny, barely audible sob.

He stilled his hand but left it cupping her gently, while he watched her eyes slowly open, glassy and unfocused. She lifted a hand to his face and pulled him down to kiss her—brief, teasing, wet kisses, her tongue playing against his lips and teeth. He ran his hand back up her body and shaped it around one breast, his calloused fingertips rasping against the velvet texture of her nipple. When he pulled on it gently, Jyn gasped into his mouth and her body mirrored the movement of his hand, her back bowing up. 

Cassian lowered his head to kiss down the soft slope of each breast. He rested his cheek on her belly, feeling it lift and sink under him as she sighed, and breathed in the warm musky scent of her. 

He turned his head and mouthed at the flesh around her navel, slid further down to nose through her wiry hair. Her hips rose impatiently and he cupped his hands over them, smothering their restless movements. "Shh, shh," he murmured against her warmth, tasting just a hint of her arousal. "Can I...?" He lifted his head, looking up the lean planes of her body until his eyes caught on hers, wide and hungry. She dragged her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded.

She was already wet and open from his fingers, her flesh so warm and slick it made his mouth water. He used the flat of his tongue in short, firm strokes that rubbed the underside of her clit. Her body jerked and a startled, pleading noise squeezed out of her throat. Then her hips started moving again, straining up to meet his mouth, and her hands raked over his back, his arms, his shoulders, before her fingers found purchase in his hair. He pushed her thighs wider, his tongue deeper, and her grip tightened until his scalp burned. One foot curled up to stroke along his spine and she dug her heel between his shoulder blades, pinning him in place. Not that he wanted to be anywhere but here, drowning in her pleasure. He could hardly breathe but it was worth it.

The low, choked-off sounds she made spurred him on. Cassian let himself go, lost himself in letting her use him, licking, sucking, groaning. His own hips ground into the hard floor. He pushed his whole face against her and felt her thighs shake around his ears. It was pure, blinding bliss. When she came, hips twisting and spiralling, her heat pulsed around him like a bursting supernova but she went silent, no sound, as if it took all her energy to ride out the convulsions.

Her legs slackened and fell away from his shoulders. “Holy—holy shit.” Jyn laughed breathlessly, grabbed the back of his head and dragged him up to kiss her, licking her own taste out of his mouth. “Fuck me. Now,” she panted against his ear, rolling her hips. She wrapped her hand around him and guided him into her, her thighs so slick that he slipped inside hard and fast. 

She cried out once, open-mouthed, and clamped her fingers into the muscle of his ass before she buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder to muffle her noises. It was all Cassian could do to keep moving steady and slow as she moaned continuously against his skin. His control was slipping, the desperate sounds he’d been holding back starting to escape. 

Jyn mouthed at his throat and growled, “Come on, _fuck_ me.” He jerked helplessly and the rhythm of his hips deteriorated into erratic pulses, the long muscles of his thighs trembling in agonizing pleasure. Every nerve ending in his body was electrified, singing, sparking. He could hear himself making the most embarrassing noises he’d ever made and his eyes were burning and everything hurt perfectly.

She bit down on the tendon in his neck and the brief sting of it somehow shot a bolt of pleasure to the base of his spine. His body shook, his orgasm hitting him like a blow, so fucking good he couldn’t breathe. A tidal wave of pleasure swept him under. It went on and on and on and he might have shouted before he collapsed on top of Jyn.

Cassian came back to himself slowly, his sweaty face stuck to Jyn’s neck, his lungs heaving. He could feel Jyn’s legs clamped around him, her heels digging into the back of his thighs and her arms wrapped around him. He could feel the scratches she’d left on his back, stinging lines drawn by her blunt nails. He still couldn’t breathe.

It wasn’t panic, exactly, that had him scrambling up and away, putting distance between them and pressing his back into the cold metal bulkhead. He gasped for air, still shuddering with aftershocks. 

“Cassian?” Jyn lifted her head, eyes wide in the dim light, cheeks flushed and hair a tangled wreck. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just—” He pressed his knuckles into his eyes, pushed the heels of his hands hard against his cheekbones, trying to pull himself together. “I just need a minute.”

“Okay...” Jyn sat up, too, crossing her legs in unselfconscious nakedness. She was still breathing hard and he’d left marks on her neck that her shirt wouldn’t hide. A creased line appeared between her eyebrows; he’d worried her. “Did I hurt you?”

He rubbed his hands over his face again, yanked his fingers through his hair. “No. No, you didn’t.”

Jyn reached out and brushed her fingertips over his ankle, lightly, like she was afraid to touch him. Cassian realized he was trembling all over and tried to hold still under her tentative hand. “Then tell me what’s wrong.” Her voice was tight and strained. 

“Nothing.” He was making it worse but he couldn’t come up with anything else to say; his words had all deserted him, swallowed by the ball of roiling emotion trying to erupt out of his chest.

“Cassian.” Her voice sharpened. “If you don’t want—” he could hear the tiny catch when she swallowed back the word _me_ — “don’t want to, just say so.” 

Jyn was hiding fear under anger, her usual response. If he said the right thing, he could make her even angrier; she’d leave him, and believe it was her own decision.

But his body already whined in animal protest at the thought of losing this addictive closeness. He wanted it, wanted it desperately, but should he?

Of course not. Look at him, reduced to a nervous wreck by intimacy. He was supposedly a grown man and a seasoned soldier, and sex with someone he cared about was what tipped him over the edge? Holy Force, he was a mess. 

Cassian wanted to hide his face, but it was too late. He couldn't possibly be more naked in front of this woman than he was right now, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was nude. He remembered the first time he'd met Jyn, when he was convinced she was nothing more than a reckless brawler, and how quickly she’d learned all of his tells. It was enough to make him laugh in a short, panting heave, and then he couldn’t catch his breath again. He felt lightheaded.

“Hey. Breathe. Just breathe.” Jyn set her right hand flat over his solar plexus and left it there, her palm firm enough to give him something to push back against when he inhaled. It helped. 

It scared him that she knew what would help. 

He looked back up at Jyn. She was still watching him silently, a thin scrim of anger incompletely veiling the pain in her gaze. “I do want this, Jyn. I want you. But it’s not—not a good idea.” He took another jittering breath, reassured by the firm pressure of her hand over his ribcage.

She shifted a little closer to him in the rumpled layers of blankets. “Not a good idea. For who?”

“Either of us.” But mostly her. All those fucking jokes he'd sworn he didn’t care about—“Andor the Android”—what a laugh, it turned out they were true. He didn't know how to be a person. As a child he’d learned how to be a guerilla, then a soldier and a spy. Everyone who loved him died before they could teach him how to love in return. 

“Cassian. Please.” She took her hand off his chest and rested it lightly on his knee, still achingly tentative. “Just be honest with me. Don’t tell me what you think we should do. What do you _want_?”

He stared at Jyn, unable to look away. Her eyes were clear but tired; there were soft dark smudges under them, and not just from the makeup she'd been wearing. An awful, terrifying tenderness pressed against his heart. He curled his hand around her wrist, feeling her vitality pulse and thump under his fingertips. “I’m no good at this, Jyn. But I want to—to be with you.” 

Cassian wanted everything, not just sex. He wanted to eat together and share the same bed, wanted Jyn to be the first thing he saw in the morning and the last thing he saw at night, wanted to do everything for her, anything she’d let him. He couldn’t look away from her, and he couldn’t keep his face from showing the truth: that he loved Jyn, that he didn’t even know how far he’d go to keep her, that he was afraid to find out. 

“I want that too.” She leaned forward slowly, slid her arms around him loosely, still giving him room to get away. “Let yourself have it. It’s okay. It's okay to have something you want for once.” 

Something tight in Cassian snapped, uncoiling like a broken wire, and he surrendered. He wrapped his arms around Jyn, hard enough to make her breath hiccup. She nestled her head into the angle of his neck and shoulder and he felt her smile against his collarbone. Her palms smoothed up and down his back, strong and comforting, and he pressed his face into her tangled hair. 

“I want you,” he whispered into the curl of her ear. “I do. For as long as you want me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a Frankenstory blended together from many and varied inspirations, including [this post](https://incognitajones.tumblr.com/post/166433676008/yeah-sorry-i-dont-think-this-is-going-to-see), [this song by Damien Rice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYXuSqL2mCY) (which the title is taken from), and my own headcanons about Cassian Andor's probable attachment issues, given what little we know of his early life. 
> 
> **youareiron-andyouarestrong** read it over and gave me some helpful notes on characterization, but any remaining lumps in the batter are due to me, of course.


End file.
